Note: the quotes on this article are fictional.
1. Kyle Busch — Busch kept his hot streak alive with a 3rd-place end at Watkins Glen, and though he did not win, he moved into 30th place within the Sprint Cup points standings.
“We played the end conservatively,” Busch said. “I took an unnecessary chance last week at Pocono, to not mention one in Iredell County, North Carolina back in 2011. I got busted in both instances.
“This time, we played it protected. Sometimes, you’ve got gotta think ‘big picture.’ And I’m all the time thinking ‘big picture,’ because that’s the one one my ego will slot in.”
2. Kevin Harvick — Harvick ran out of fuel within the final corner at Watkins Glen, handing Joey Logano the win while settling for third.
“Logano overtook a car that was out of fuel,” Harvick said. “That’s called ‘passing gas.’ I attempted to wreck Logano as he went by. And, very similar to my fuel tank, it got here up empty.”
3. Joey Logano — Logano passed Kevin Harvick within the final corner after Harvick’s fuel ran out, giving Logano the win within the Cheez-It 355 on the Glen.
“I’m simply happy to get the win,” Logano said. “Fuel mileage races don’t really tell us who’s best. They do, nevertheless, tell us who ‘sucks’ the least.
“I knew I had lots of fuel to chase Harvick. And I knew if I pressed the difficulty, I might make him run out. In essence, I put him back in a Richard Childress Racing car, because he slowed to a crawl.”
4. Jimmie Johnson — Despite a late spin brought on by Tony Stewart’s blown engine, Johnson salvaged a tenth at Watkins Glen, scoring his 14th top-10 of the year.
“You could have seen me in a business for ‘Burnt Rubber,'” Johnson said. “It is a new fragrance from Sunoco, and it is left its mark on the cologne business. Unfortunately, it is a skid mark. Let’s simply be thankful that the newest NASCAR-themed cologne wasn’t called ‘Dick Trickle.'”
5. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — Earnhardt finished 11th within the Cheez-It 355 on the Glen, simply missing his 14th top-10 end of the season.
“It was a troublesome day for lots of drivers,” Earnhardt said. “Notably Tony Stewart. He finished last. Plus, he experienced something that always occur to fans of Junior Nation once they escape their finest china for an essential meal — he got ‘served with papers.'”
6. Martin Truex, Jr. — Truex qualified second and suffered a flat tire with 22 laps to go, ruining what would have been a solid day and settling for a 25th-place end.
“Some drivers ran out of gas,” Truex said, “while some, like me, ran out of air. Others ran out of talent. Still others had no talent to begin with. The rest drive for Michael Waltrip Racing.”
7. Brad Keselowski — Keselowski finished seventh as Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano took the win at Watkins Glen.
“Joey had luck on his aspect,” Keselowski said. “My No. 2 Ford didn’t. Perhaps, as an alternative of having ‘Miller Lite’ plastered on the aspect of my car, we should always have had ‘Miller Fortune’ there.”
8. Kurt Busch — Busch claimed fifth within the Cheez-It 355 on the Glen, posting his seventh top-5 end of the year.
“Kevin Harvick clearly had the fastest car on the track,” Busch said. “Then he ran out of fuel. He was greater than ‘good,’ he was best … till the last drop.”
9. Matt Kenseth — Kenseth led two laps and finished fourth at Watkins Glen, certainly one of three Joe Gibbs Racing cars within the top 10.
“That’s two consecutive fuel mileage races,” Kenseth said. “I won at Pocono, and was pretty near triumphing at Watkins Glen. That basically would have established me as a driver who is aware of the way to make a drop of fuel last. I assume I might have been generally known as the ‘Wizard of Oz.'”
10. Carl Edwards — Edwards finished eighth at Watkins Glen, posting his sixth top-10 of the season.
“Did you see Denny Hamlin speeding across the track with his hood up on the No. 11 FedEx Toyota?” Edwards said. “That performance earned Denny the nickname ‘Little Fed Riding Hood.'”